Rebecca answered the phone in the same calm, sweet manner she always does. “Hello, Lady! How are you?” I gulped down the tears, hoping to keep my composure. But what is it about a familiar, trusting voice that breaks the dam? “I’m freaking out,” I shared, steadying my voice in effort to control the heart trying to beat its way straight out of my chest. Rebecca later shared that she had several big-ticket life events rushing through her head after she heard the first crack in my voice: Was it cancer? Was my mom ill again? Were the kids okay?
“I have been putting up a façade. And I need to stop. I need to save myself,” I spilled.
“I’m on my way over,” she said. That’s the beauty of good friends. They drop life; show up when you need them. We didn’t need to chat for long; her presence, and her supportive acceptance, was the calm I needed in my moment of panic.
A few weeks later, a male Facebook friend, whose girlfriend of a few months had just broken off the relationship, posted the disgruntled question to his social media board, “Do all YOU women go through the same training?! Are you all taught the ‘I like you as a friend, but I don’t see anything long term with you’ piece of bullsh*t?!”
I wanted to post “Girl Power” to his timeline. Or “Be thankful for an honest woman.” But I held back. Until later down the thread, when one of his female friends, in an act of support, commented, “Some women just don’t know what commitment looks like.” I wanted to post, “Are you KIDDING ME?” But I kept my composure. I focused my reply on the woman he was referring to, and to all women who honor themselves. I found the honesty of the woman in question an act of beauty and strength. I wondered how many women stay in uncomfortable relationships even though their inner voice is crying out to them to break free, to move on.
If you could choose a super power, which would you choose? My answer is usually “reading minds” or “invisibility when I’m running late and need to break the speed limit.” But I have come to realize, as women, we already have the most treasurable super power of all: it’s our intuition. That little voice we refer to, and the need to listen to it, is not a cliché. We have a powerful mechanism built in and if we listen to it, honor it—honor ourselves—we will be led in all the right directions. The moment we ignore this, or stuff it away, or even fight it, is the very moment we are sent off track (and it is an excruciatingly painful trek finding your way back).
I went through a period of time several years ago where I fought off my super power, the very thing I needed to help me live the extraordinary life I am always writing about, internally pining for. As much as I love the sun, I kept myself in the storm. But I eventually broke free. I am listening to that little voice, I am finally, fully, honoring myself. I am honing my super power… and the sun has come out to spill its beautiful, warm, reassuring beams all over my life.